The Philosophy of Giving Gifts: Why We Give Gifts, and Why It Matters

As we draw closer towards the end of the year, and the holiday decorations begin flooding the streets, stores, and our houses, it is time to reflect on the philosophy of gift-giving. Saint Nick has turned into a candy-cane-coloured Santa Claus, and many of us spend thousands each Christmas buying gifts for each and every person in our lives.

In our often-capitalistic worlds, where gifts turn into expectations, can we still believe in the philosophy of gift-giving? To answer this question, we may need to look back to our past, to the era of Plato and Socrates and philosophy.

Immanuel Kant and the Morality of Giving 

It was Immanuel Kant who talked of moral duty and the value of goodwill. For Kant, the goodwill, or the good intention to do an action, is more important than the consequences of said action. If Kant had been invited to Christmas, he would have only accepted gift-giving if it was done out of a sort of moral duty, rather than out of an emotion or a personal desire.

Goodness was defined in terms of reason, moral law, and universal applicability. In our reality, this idea of gift-giving as a duty can be problematic, as choosing a gift out of love for someone is arguably not a moral failing. The importance, in relation to Kant’s work, is that he values so much the motivation behind an action. 

Aristotle’s Balance: The Virtue of Giving Well

Aristotle was a little different. Virtue, for him, was about balance and represented a kind of equilibrium between two extremes. Giving gifts was an art between giving too little (stinginess) and giving too much (wastefulness). To be virtuous, one has to reflect on how, why, and how much they are gifting.  

Whilst much of this sounds like philosophical jargon, we can take lessons from both philosophers to better understand the art of giving gifts. You do not need to spend thousands in order to gift well or appropriately. Sometimes, the most appreciated gifts are smaller, the ones carefully chosen and thought out, that reflect poignantly the knowing of a person and your love for them.

Marcel Mauss: The Gift as a Reflection of the Self

The French sociologist and anthropologist Marcel Mauss can illuminate this further. In his most well-known and celebrated essay, The Gift, he reframes our perception of gift-giving and gift-giving societies. Mauss says that when you give a gift, you are also giving a part of yourself. Buying and receiving gifts is not just an economic act, but also an undeniable social and cultural contract.

Mauss goes further, drawing a link between the identities of the gift-giver to that of the author. Like a book written by an author, a gift that is given is also a reflection of the giver themselves. It is an extension of our identities that we bestow upon someone we love, creating a bond between the person giving and receiving. 

The sentiment is magical. That we impart a little of ourselves into everything we do, whether we realise it or not. Even a fiction writer cannot help but create characters bred of a little bit of truth, to write a world seen through the lens of their own eyes. Creation is an extension of ourselves, and by giving thoughtful gifts, we are giving other people parts of ourselves.

It comes back to this idea of vulnerability, this idea that we are able to see people, and thus see what they might like or want. When we know someone, really know them, we see beyond the masks they wear and appreciate their real identity. 

Giving as an Ethical Act: Emmanuel Levinas

For French philosopher Emmanuel Levinas, giving is considered a primary ethical act if done correctly. Levinas would postulate that giving is to consider others before ourselves, if we give without the expectation of reciprocation. Levinas says that this virtuous act is the foundation of living an ethical life.

Whether or not you agree with his philosophy, this idea of non-reciprocal giving is worth consideration. Like a compliment given out of honesty and not obligation, gifts given just for the pleasure and need of another are all the more rewarding. 

The Art and Softness of Gift-Giving

Wandering through an old, worn bookstore and finding a well-loved copy of your sister’s favourite childhood novel can be more thoughtful than buying something expensive but impersonal. When we choose something for someone we love, then that object becomes half a reflection of us and half a reflection of how we see them. 

A Gift of Reflection

Yes, we often can call our society of gift-giving materialistic and detached, but there is an art and softness to gift-giving. If we consider gifts as extensions of ourselves, as declarations of love and vulnerability in our relationships, giving can become something necessary to human goodness. 

This holiday season, maybe we can give ourselves a different kind of gift – one of reflection. We can question what fragments of ourselves we impart in each neatly wrapped present, and what, in turn, people impart to us.