The Surprising Power of Keeping Your Social Circle Small

There is a common myth that popularity contests cease by the age of eighteen. Unfortunately, this simply isn’t true.  Playground politics continue even when we graduate, as we are taught to believe that a seemingly never-ending list of friends is synonymous with true success and triumph. We are taught to run the same thoughts over and over in our minds, asking ourselves whether we are liked or perceived well by others. This fascination with the thoughts of other people, especially strangers, can cloud us from perhaps a better question. 

Sure, we’d like to know what they think of us, but do we ever stop and ask ourselves what we think of them? Newness is great. Breaking a routine can refresh your brain. However, there is an undeniable hidden power in the intimacy of a small social circle.

Your Friends as a Personal “Library” of Influences

If you are reading this article, you are likely a fan of the written word, an avid book enthusiast, or a writer. Think of our friends as titles that compose our own personal library. We invest in them, we go to them for comfort and knowledge, and they guide our thoughts about the world and the future.

Of course, every so often we’ll stretch our wings, living wildly enough to try another genre, or buy that book that everyone seems to be talking about. We may even enjoy our little experiments, but that doesn’t mean we hadn’t already curated a very good library before. Our own curation of friends, our bibliothèques of people, are living reflections of our current selves as well as the people we are striving to be.

The Value of Curating a Close Social Circle

Any good editor would tell you that sometimes you need just a little rephrasing. Instead of deeming ourselves antisocial, perhaps we should recognise that we simply like keeping our circle small. It can take months, even years, to make good-quality friends. Trust needs to be built; it is never guaranteed. Time is the only trial that can prove to us the strength of a friendship, so it is only logical that we hold onto the people who have endured such tribulations.

Deep Conversations vs. Small Talk: What Really Connects Us

Oscar Wilde once said that ‘the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation.’ Profound conversations, the ones that last until the awakening of the world or the falling of the sun, are necessary for human happiness. To be understood, one must be known, and who knows us better than our most trusted friends? Many enjoy the softness of small talk, but for some, it remains a pointless ritual that serves little purpose.

Lighter conversation topics are not unimportant, but they can feel like a barrier to getting somewhere deeper, to having the kind of discourse that changes and builds a person. Your circle may indeed be small, but it is more than likely filled with the type of people who can harbour meaningful conversation. People who know you, who know the person behind the social conventions and expectations, allow a greater level of connection. 

How Social Media Fuels Comparison and Loneliness

Despite knowing all of this, we cannot deny the fact that popularity still holds weight. Social weight. Humans have always been creatures of comparison, but the age of social media has fashioned a digital world of constant evaluation and appraisal. Our social media feeds are mirror balls reflecting our own insecurities from the intimate discomfort of our hands.

Watching others at new events or fabulous-looking parties, surrounded by unfamiliar and exciting new faces, can subconsciously feed us that we aren’t participating enough. Having a never-ending social group is great for the likes, and, in some ways, our social currency, but the rewards stop skin-deep. 

The Difference Between Connection and Noise

Yes, socialising is undoubtedly good for our mental and physical health, but only when it is quality. We may be living in the Age of Connection, but both young people and older adults are feeling increasingly overwhelmed and isolated. You can feel just as lonely surrounded in a room humming with people as when you are alone in your bedroom.

Reducing loneliness means seeking authenticity and filling our lives with individuals who see us for who we are. The accounts we see online are a different kind of curation, one that serves to distort reality. 

What Psychology Says About Strong Social Bonds

Psychology has something else to say. Studies have found direct links between life prosperity and social connection, showing that strong social connections increase your quality of life, reduce your risk of mortality, and make your academic and professional achievements more consistent.

Having close friends who understand you can increase feelings of personal self-worth and can give you the courage to not only have dreams, but to reach for them. Other research argues that communities with strong social bonds are safer and healthier than communities with weaker social connections. 

Like a beautiful but curated library, the friends we keep are more than just our societal currency; they are our sanity and happiness. Humans are meant to seek connection, they are meant to try new things, but they are also meant to seek things that last. Your circle is your chosen family, born not of blood but of choice, with bonds that run deeper than any shallow societal expectations.