The Booklover’s Guide to the 5 Love Languages

Most people have heard of Gary Chapman’s five love languages; perhaps you even know your own. They detail the separate manners in which a person may wish to give or receive love from a person they are with. The five love languages are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. Yet who says our love languages are restricted only to our romantic partners? Who says that these languages of love should not extend to other areas of our life, for the others loves that are just as long-lasting and true. 

A booklover, for example, has a kind of relationship to their love of reading. It must be nurtured. And what better way to cultivate such a love than by learning how to speak its language? Here is our bookish guide to romanticizing your reading life through the five languages of love.

Quality Time: Making More Time to Read Books You Love

Time is the most precious of resources because one day, it runs out. Therefore, how we choose to spend our time is our largest luxury. Reading is not only good for the mind, but for the soul. It slows us down and prioritizes deeper connection rather than shallow grabs of attention.

While reading can be a solitary activity and a chance to bond with our inner selves, it can also become a great social activity. Despite what the media will tell you, there are still people interested in reading. Many libraries and bookstores will host reading clubs or nights, full of stimulating discussion and deeper, more intentional conversation.

You can start smaller, even just meeting with your friends for a picnic and a read in the park, or share books that you really love. Whilst focusing on your professional career is important, taking time for your own leisure and comfort is essential for your own health and happiness.

If you love reading, set time aside for yourself to do it. Find a new coffee shop and bring that new book along. How you choose to spend your life is a decision you make; shouldn’t you spend it doing something you love?

Physical Touch: The Sensory Joy of Holding a Book

The sensory experience of reading is part of its pleasure. Data actually suggests that this sensory aspect is part of the reason that e-books have not completely taken over the reading world. The feel of a weathered page between your fingers, or the blissful bibliosmia (the smell of old books), cannot be replicated by a screen.

Enhancing the physical experience of reading can be as simple as being present, remembering how the book feels in your hands, or creating a cozy environment perfect for the next time you get lost in the world of literature. For others, reading can become a ritual. Setting a scented candle, brewing a cup of milky English Breakfast tea, or just putting the effort in to enhance and romanticize the love we get from the act of reading.

Acts of Service: Decluttering and Caring for Your Bookshelf

Clutter is generally negative for your mental health; it is linked to higher levels of stress and lower levels of well-being. Even when time is scarce, putting aside a moment in a day to declutter and tidy up our lives is essential for our happiness. It can be difficult to let things go, including books we have read and since put aside, but there is beauty in learning how to say goodbye.

Donating books to your local second-hand store, or to friends or family, can give new life to literature we have since brushed aside. Some booklovers even give themselves strict rules – only allowing themselves to buy a book if they have donated one that they have already finished. Obviously, this isn’t advising anyone to give away their entire collection, but just ensuring that your bookshelf is filled with works that truly bring you joy and meaning.

Receiving Gifts: Treating Yourself to New Books

We know ourselves more deeply than anyone else does. The things we like and dislike, the themes that captivate us, the ideas that have begun growing roots in our minds. People say that we have a version of ourselves that we show to the outer world, and that this is the person that we are perceived to be.

Inside, however, there is the true version of ourselves that only we really know. So who better to entrust with gift-giving than ourselves? Take yourself to a bookshop and pick a book on a subject you’ve been wanting to learn more about, or wander into a second-hand thrift store and find an older book in need of some gentle care and attention.

The beauty of gift-giving is that it doesn’t have to be based on money – you can even give yourself the gift of time. Reorganizing your bookshelf, or even subscribing to literature-loving accounts on writing platforms like Substack, can feel like a genuine and worthwhile gift to the booklover in you.

Words of Affirmation: Journaling and Celebrating Your Reading Journey

As booklovers, words are our lifeblood. There are sentences and passages that move us to our very core, that alight our skin with goosebumps and imprint themselves upon our hearts and minds. Sometimes, the best language of love is language itself – using words to further enhance our experience of reading.

You could write down a list of ‘to-reads’ that you’ve been recommended or that you have wanted to finish for a long time. Many readers also find solace and joy in writing; some keep a journal purely for their latest reads. Remind yourself what you loved about a book, or what you didn’t, as a way to keep the memory bright and alive and relay the thoughts to your future self.    

Whatever language of love you speak, we all recognize that love is an act of purpose and attention. As booklovers, our relationship to reading is one that begins at a young age and spans almost our whole lives, so it is one that needs plenty of nurturing. Romanticizing your life with reading means knowing how to speak these five languages of love. The question is: Will you listen?